8006-Portrait of the Time

Artist: Nikolinka Dimitrova

When I was 20, my mother passed away, I don't often talk about it, but it was a devastating blow to me. At that point I hated everyone and myself ... grieved and generally went through the standard phases of denial:
1. Denial - This is not possible. This cannot be happening to me...
2. Anger - How can ... who is to blame, God hates me
3. Bargaining - In my case I experienced it by dreaming about going and getting my mum back from somewhere, I had to overcome obstacles etc.
4. Depression - naturally, a long and deep ...
Of course it was painful, I felt alone and abandoned, it took me a long time to understand that my sadness was largely a selfish experience. And things move naturally and it's not a personal hit to me.

Over time, now 22 years later, I have added more reflections to this life situation. A person dear to me said, "Whatever you can do for a person, you can do while they are alive! Then even if you dig up the earth, you can't bring anyone back."And I often observe the torment, the same torment of friends going through the loss of a loved one. Sometimes I talk to them and rudely and directly tell them that they are going to lose the person and it is best to use the last days to the fullest instead of blaming themselves, doctors, relatives ... and sometimes I don't, some of us like to cling to the pain and live out our suffering, the role of victim is quite a comfortable position.I wanted to reflect in this picture the metamorphosis I experienced - live to the max, love to the max, if you don't love anymore - leave, despite the fear, respect those you hold on to even if they make you angry and don't be angry for long because our path is not forever.
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Like an ancient pagan goddess - no shame, no inhibitions, no dogma and no decency - we all die sooner or later, no matter how upright we were, so celebrate life while you can. The two fighting hummingbirds ... that's us humans, caught up in our daily tasks, in a competitive race to see who, how much, when, how important we are......... the eternal "struggles "of life. But that doesn't change the fact that sooner or later ... you know.
Overall, the canvas for me is like a call and a reminder - live, don't be afraid, celebrate the fact that you are alive, love to the max, achieve your dreams, don't give in to fear, respect the people you care about, use the time you have in the best way possible, don't give in to "petty" games because the game is always over sometime and then it's too late for everything

Materials and Techniques: Oil on Canvas